Decisions.

It is amaizing just how fast your life can change. Most of us grow know and having a stable life. I know that i lived in the same appartment for about thirteen years. All my firends that i have i have grown up with and known for a long time. But now that i am deppent on myself it is way different.

I thank god for puting the people that he has put in mylife. I i am still growing up and learning. and it always seems like there is always someone to help me out and tell me how to do things. But i do know that i have to grow up and take care of my self and figure out life on my own. God wants me to be dependent on him alone. Its not easy but i know that i have to do it. I thank god That he put Joey and Gary in mylife. Joey has tought me a lot in the past couple months. He has pretty much decipled me. If he didnt help me the way he has i wouldnt be whre i am right now. I thank jesus for that everyday. I really dont think Joey knows how much he has helped. But someday he will find out.

And gary is my best friend i can always count on him. lately he has been going through a rough time and he hasnt been the same. but i pray for him every day. He lost his mom not to long ago and he hasnt been the same. And it kills me cus i cant help him. I pray that he comes back to church and that god will pour his grace upon his life. I pray that god wraps him in his arms. I miss the old gary that loved to have fun and always wanted to hang out. But now he has cought up in some things that he shouldnt be in and he is just not in a good place. so just pray for him.

I am just thankfull that god is in mylife. i need him everyday no matter what. I am learning that when i dont go to him that my life gets complicated. And when i do what i want without praying or getting confermation that it never workd the way i wanted it. So for those of you who are lost and Weary, dont give up and dont think that no one cares. God cares and it kills him on the inside when you dont give your life to him. he is the answer to our problems.

keeping my eyes on jesus.

Wow its really hard to keep my life focused for god when all this crazy stuff happens. My whole life i have relied on myself and those around me. I guess you could say mostly those around me. but as i get older i am figuring out that i cant do that anymore. I am almost nineteen and i am figuring out that life is not always the way i hoped or dreamed that it would be. Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes that is a bad thing. Ha, right now i feel like its a bad thing.

I remember my whole life, especially when i was in high school that i always wanted to grow up and be on my own. I thought that it would be the best thing in the world. Don’t get me wrong it is awesome. But like i said life never goes the way you plan it and it never stops. I have had a lot of fun these past couple of months and i have grown up and learned a lot. I have learned that if your life, to a certain extent, is only what you make it.

As i learn more about god, the more i learn that he can help. but i still cant manage to completely give all my problems to him. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those people who says there a christian and never does anything to show it. And i do know that it takes more than going to church and doing good deeds. I think that is what makes it so hard.

have you ever felt that feeling like when you are drowning and you cant seem to calm yourself that you can swim to the surface, that every second you take flailing around is energy lost that you could have spent solving the problem, and then when you do calm down the light that you were trying so hard to get seems to be so dim that you cant find it. that is pretty much how i feel. i feel like no matter how hard i try i cant find the light.